Just like in fairy tales, does life have an “A Happily ever after”? Is finding the right person to be your partner for life the quintessential factor for a happily ever after? Is it guaranteed once you do find the right person?
It is, for the most part of it, a happily ever after. Not the version we would like it to be, but the closest life can give us, with all the struggles and learning. Happiness is momentary and transient. It subsides to give way to calmness and peace. And burdening one person for your happiness is just not fair. Also, expecting all the share of your happiness to come from one person is a sure way to get disappointed.
The only person truly who can make you happy is YOU. Being happy is not a feeling that comes from external factors. It’s a choice and decision that one has to make. Today, if you decide to be happy, you will find ways to make it happen. This is my view on happiness, but off course the behaviour and personality of our partners do have an effect on us. After all, we are needy creatures – in need of love, compassion, appreciation, companionship. If we all weren’t needy we wouldn’t be getting married when clearly everyone says it’s a mistake. Yet we do, not because we think we are going to be the ones to have a great marriage, but we do so to have someone share our life and be witnesses to each other’s life journey. We are simple human beings who want a validation of a life well lived through the eyes of our loved one.
So what happens after? Expectations build up. Expectations of constant expression of love, Expectations of appreciation and support. Expectation to accept oneself as they are. Expectations to have similar interests.
These expectations make us blind to what the person truly is. Everyone has a capacity to love and to support. These capacities are not in same measures as one expects. Understanding and accepting gives way to happiness.
Another point, we have parents, friends with different level of friendships, kids. Each of these relations makes us the person we are. And so happiness comes from all of them. Not just our partners. When one has a good heartfelt conversation with a friend, when ones parent shows concerns and gives the right advice or attention one seeks. When our kids do all those naughty and funny antics, when they are just our little happiness packages. They each have a part to play to add on to our happiness quotient.
The happily ever after is nothing but the hope we have for our future. Hope is the one human trait that lets all of us sleep and wake up to a better tomorrow. To a better version of ourselves. To a better understanding of our partners. Always have hope on one another. One day it will all turn in your favour. One day. Keep the hope alive.
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